In this three-part series on forgiveness my intention has been to discuss the concept of forgiveness and to articulate why forgiveness is an essential component of the Christian walk. Part one laid the foundation for the importance of forgiveness through developing an understanding of forgiveness, and through identifying misconceptions we sometimes believe about forgiveness. In Part Two: Following our call to forgive, my intention was to articulate how scripture directs us to develop a forgiving heart and to forgive those who have wronged us, even if the offending parties do not acknowledge the wrongs (Colossians 3:13, NIV, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”). If a perfect and loving God is willing to forgive us for our rebellion against God’s character and His Word, then in light of our own imperfections and sin, we should be willing to forgive others when we experience their imperfections and sin. In Part Three: Forgiveness as transformation, I will briefly discuss the transformational power of forgiveness and how to start the path toward a forgiving heart. I will conclude this series with two different stories of forgiveness to ponder related to developing a forgiving heart.
Forgiving others and developing a forgiving heart is part of a larger process for Christians in being transformed in the likeness of Christ through putting aside the self-serving desires of our sinful nature, and putting on a new self that is Christlike in mind, attitude and behavior (Ephesians 4:20-24, NIV, “That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;to be made new in the attitude of your minds;and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”). John MacArthur, pastor-teacher of Grace Community Church and chancellor of The Master’s University and Seminary, states that “from the human side, salvation begins with repentance, a change of mind and action regarding sin, self and God (Ephesians, p. 174). Salvation, and ultimately our transformation, however, is not through human means, but it is through the ongoing work of Christ within us (Galatians 2:20, NIV: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”).
Although the primary focus of why we should forgive has been connected to spiritual development, research findings note mental health benefits to forgiveness such as a reduction in depression and stress, and a curtailment of emotional pain (McCullough, Pargament & Thoresen, 2000). Additionally, Forgiveness has been found to be predictive of improvement in both marital and family relationships (McCullough, Pargament & Thoresen, 2000). There is also evidence that there are negative consequences to unforgiveness including becoming filled with anger and resentment, and having these negative feelings spill over into relationships with others or even with God. Also, we may find ways to medicate or avoid the pain and hurt through destructive means such as alcohol or drugs, overeating or even compulsive work to try to keep our mind off the hurt (Wahking, 1992). Unforgiveness tends to be connected to a continued downward spiral of pain and suffering, while forgiveness transforms through healing and renewal.
The following story is related to an incident that occurred within the Amish community that demonstrates an amazing example of forgiveness. This illustration is intended to help in understanding the transformational nature of forgiveness, and it is not meant to be a specific reflection on Amish culture or religious beliefs. “On Monday morning, October 2, 2006, a gunman entered a one-room Amish school in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. In front of twenty-five horrified pupils, thirty-two-year-old Charles Roberts ordered the boys and the teacher to leave. After tying the legs of the ten remaining girls, Roberts prepared to shoot them execution style with an automatic rifle and four hundred rounds of ammunition that he brought for the task. The oldest hostage, a thirteen-year-old, begged Roberts to “shoot me first and let the little ones go.” Refusing her offer, he opened fire on all of them, killing five and leaving the others critically wounded. He then shot himself as police stormed the building. His motivation? “I’m angry at God for taking my little daughter,” he told the children before the massacre. The story captured the attention of broadcast and print media in the United States and around the world. By Tuesday morning some fifty television crews had clogged the small village of Nickel Mines, staying for five days until the killer and the killed were buried. The blood was barely dry on the schoolhouse floor when Amish parents brought words of forgiveness to the family of the one who had slain their children (Publisher description of Amish Grace, a book by Kraybill, Nolt and Weaver-Zercher). The concept of forgiveness transcended the horrible details of the event both within the Amish community, and even for the national media as forgiveness became the spotlight within the tragedy. The transformational nature of forgiveness helped in the healing process for the Amish families and the community, and it provided a glimpse of hope for others who have experienced such suffering.
Within the first book of the Bible is the story of Joseph. Although I am leaving out many details, the overall plot was that Joseph’s brothers were jealous of Joseph, and although they wanted to kill him, they decided to sell Joseph into slavery instead. (see Genesis 37:1-36). But God was with Joseph, and therefore Joseph ended up becoming the second most important person in Egypt, as only Pharaoh was more powerful (see Genesis 41:1-56). Years later, in an encounter between Joseph and his brothers, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:15b-21). Joseph recognized that although his brothers had plotted to kill him and even in this last encounter, they still tried to deceive Joseph, God used the harm for good. Even after what his brothers had done, Joseph forgave them.
Reflection:
What can we learn from the example of the Amish or the story of Joseph to help us in developing a heart of forgiveness that is pleasing and honoring to God? And what about Stephen and Jesus? Stephen, when he was being stoned to death cried out “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60b, NIV). And when Jesus was crucified on the cross, He said “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV). Do you desire to have a heart of forgiveness such as this? How could your relationships be transformed by a heart of forgiveness? How might others who observe your forgiveness be impacted?
Holy God, I recognize I am a sinner in need of forgiveness. Therefore, help me to forgive others as you have forgiven me. Amen.
Resources:
Kraybill, Nolt and Weaver-Zercher, Amish Grace: How forgiveness transcended tragedy.
(Publisher description of Amish Grace, a book by Kraybill, Nolt and Weaver-Zercher)
https://www.wiley.com/en-ad/Amish+Grace:+How+Forgiveness+Transcended+Tragedy-p-9780470873816
MacArthur, John (2015): The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, Ephesians.
McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I. & Thoresen,C. E.2000). Forgiveness, Research and Practice. New York: Guildford Press.
The Holy Bible (NIV)
Wahking, H. (1992). Spiritual growth through grace and forgiveness. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 11(2), 160-169.