Today I want to revisit a topic that can be described as an aspect of humility, and that is forgiveness. And although there is content from previous posts, in this post I will more intentionally connect the concepts of humility, forgiveness and love. The forgiveness that I am discussing here is the ability to forgive someone who has hurt you in some way. Asking for forgiveness from someone you have harmed is for another discussion. To start, I want to identify the connection between humility and forgiveness, as humility is a virtue demonstrated across a broad spectrum of issues and situations, whereas forgiveness is an aspect of humility that is demonstrated in specific situations where someone has been wronged (Worthington & Allison). From a Biblical perspective, humility can be defined as being in full submission and obedience to God as the Creator and sustainer of all of life (Murray). Forgiveness therefore is being willing to demonstrate humility in relationship with others. And humility is a key element in the forgiveness process because humility is a predictor of the level of forgiveness that occurs.
Whenever I talk about forgiveness, I think that it is important to recognize that forgive can be a difficult subject to comprehend and accept. And because we live in a fallen world full of hate and hurt, I do not want to downplay the pain and suffering that people have experienced. And I personally cannot speak to the terrible difficulties that some have endured at the expense of another person’s actions. But the one who can relate is Jesus Christ, because of the personal pain and suffering that Christ experienced leading up to and during His crucifixion, along with His bearing the weight of our sins on the cross. And Christ’s example of a forgiving spirit through His willingness to ask for forgiveness to those who crucified Him, along with God’s offering of forgiveness to us for our sins provides insight for us as we seek to forgive others.
And the reality that we have Christ as an example of forgiveness is an important point here because we are fallen and fallible human beings, and therefore our forgiveness, especially in those situations where we have been hurt so deeply, is imperfect. But God’s forgiveness is perfect, and it is full and complete (see Psalm 103:10-12 NIV, “he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”). Therefore, when we forgive, it is important to seek God’s wisdom and guidance in the forgiveness process, and to rely on Him to forgive as in Christ, God forgave us (See Ephesians 4:32, and John 15:1-5 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. ‘I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”).
As I have noted in previous posts, from a Biblical perspective God’s forgiveness consists of both showing mercy and love toward us and in “sending away” or pardoning our sins (see Micah 7:18-19, NIV, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea”, also see John 3:16). So, God’s forgiveness can be characterized as containing two components, 1) He demonstrated His love and compassion for us, and 2) He paid the dept for our sins on the cross.
Translating God’s forgiveness into how we should forgive means that when we forgive someone it is important 1) to renounce anger or resentment toward someone related to a hurt and replace those feelings with empathy and love, and 2) to absolve any debt owed because of the hurtful behavior. Generally, when someone hurts us, we experience a whole assortment of negative feelings such as anger, resentment, hurt, rejection, and betrayal. These feelings, if allowed to fester are ultimately related to sin (see Colossians 3:8, NIV, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips”). Honestly, ridding ourselves of those sinful feelings and actions, and replacing those emotions and behaviors with responses that are God pleasing, is a very difficult and humbling component of forgiveness (See Matthew 4:43-48: But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you V44).
Additionally, to absolve the person that has hurt you of any debt or expectation you have because of the hurtful behavior can be just as challenging as replacing negative feelings with love. Generally, when someone has hurt us, we place expectations on the other person to do something or behave in a certain way, prior to forgiving them. These expectations are debts we expect the person to “pay” in order to receive forgiveness and include demanding the person repent or to say he or she is sorry prior to forgiveness, or expecting the person to “fix” the situation or even to renounce to others what was done. These expectations are all “debts” we require to be paid prior to forgiving. But since forgiveness begins with an internal act involving the heart, part of the process of forgiveness is in humility, to remove any condition we have placed on forgiving the person (see Luke 11:25, NIV: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins“). For when we stand before God in prayer, there is no expectation on the other person to do anything prior to our forgiveness.
But I believe there is one additional component of Biblical forgiveness that we need to consider. And this is the forgiveness that was demonstrated by both Jesus and Stephen when they were being murdered as innocent men. For Jesus when He was being crucified on the cross, said “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV). And when Stephen was being stoned to death He cried out “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60b, NIV). Their responses help us to understand what our responses should be when others harm us- “We should feel a great sorrow for them, we should be praying to God for them and asking Him to have mercy upon them. I say that all this follows of necessity if we have truly experienced what it means to be forgiven. If I know that I am a debtor to mercy alone, if I know that I am a Christian solely because of that free grace of God, there should be no pride left in me, there should be nothing vindictive, there should be no insisting upon my rights. Rather, as I look out upon others, if there is anything in them that is unworthy, or that is a manifestation of sin, I should have great sorrow for them in my heart” (Lloyd-Jones, p88). As a Christian, isn’t this the ultimate demonstration of a forgiving heart, after we have worked through forgiving those who have hurt us so deeply, to not hold onto that expectation that God will punish them for their sin, and to ask God to forgive them.
And isn’t this also really what it means in part to love our neighbor (see Mark 12:30-31, NIV: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these”). If you are not sure, read what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” For love is about acting in humility and kindness, keeping no record of wrongs, and being forgiving from the heart.
Resources:
Lloyd-Jones, D.M. (1976). Studies in the Sermon on the Mount. William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company. Grand Rapids, Michigan
Murray, Andrew (1895/2005). Humility and Absolute Surrender.
The Holy Bible. New International Version.
Worthington, E., & Allison, S. (2017). Heroic Humility.